~twenty-something

this weekend i visited the sand where we were two weeks before.
sat there, an hour before midnight, alone on the end of a wooden beach lounge
and wrote things in the sand with my finger.
"i love her"
then smudged it away.
"i am ***"
then quickly erased it.
"her name"
and i couldn't put my foot in the sand to disfigure the letters.

9 hours later the water had risen and done it for me.
the waves, curling in the sand where my toes had the night before.

and i decided that was it.
no more of her for a while.
i had broken my pact with myself and called while sitting on the beach.
but i was going to be stronger from then on.

another 9 hours later my phone buzzed with a text message.
i saw that you called. just wanted to let you know i'm doing ok and that i can't use my phone here. that's why i haven't called. i'm sorry. hope youre doing well.

a text message back, and a set of e-mails later and i find out she has no plans for coming back, not for a few months at least.